Contrary to some beliefs, being married and having kids does not mean that your sex life has to fall by the waste side. Savvy in both the boardroom and bedroom, Kristen Chase, author of The Mominatrix’s Guide to Sex and CEO of Cool Mom Tech and Cool Mom Picks, sat down with us in a no holds barred conversation in which she reveals ten ways for men to keep things spicey between the sheets – or out of them. Can you handle the heat?
1. Take Your Partners Lead. Pregnant women tend to feel one of two ways: 1.) Fantastic and they love their pregnant body, or 2) The complete opposite. See how your partner is feeling and take their lead. If they are feeling great then go for it and enjoy. If not, be supportive and honest about your feelings, instead of just acting on them. Tell them, “I think you look amazing.” – women need to hear it.
2. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask The Professional. If you are having anxiety about having sex with your pregnant partner, don’t be afraid to go together to talk to your midwife or doctor about your concerns. Sometimes hearing it from a medical professional, and getting really technical about it can be just the trick to calm your nerves.
3. What’s Really Going On? Address the issues affecting the sexual relationship, instead of just focusing on the sex. If your partner is tired, what can you do to help lighten their load? Maybe you can take a few middle of the night feeding shifts. Or maybe your partner is not comfortable with their post baby body. Be complimentary without being ridiculous. Let your partner know that you think they look great. Another possible issue could be pain. After a few months there really shouldn’t be very much pain, so suggest going to see the doctor together to discuss these concerns.
4. What Worked Before Kids, May Not Work After. Many times the things that worked to turn your partner on before having kids, might not work anymore. Don’t take it personally. Expect that things might change and be creative – be willing to try new things to turn your partner on.
5. Think Inside The Box. The Toy Box That Is. Have some fun – try using adult toys. Today, there are so many great options to choose from. You will find that most toys do not look like a replacement penis. In fact, you can find toys that are small and compact, and not very intimidating. The goal is to have a good time, and to give each other pleasure. A great resource is Babeland, which is very woman friendly and was actually started by moms. www.babeland.com
6. Change Location. Try using your closet, instead of your bed. Closets can be very dark, which can be great especially if one or both of you are not completely happy with your body, and having a door to close is always nice when there are little ones in the house. The shower, another great option, allows you to tackle two things at once.
7. What’s Your Fantasy? Don’t be shy, share your wildest fantasies with each other. As long as both parties are comfortable, sharing fantasies can liven up any sexual relationship – you can even try acting them out through a little role play.
8. Go Out On A Date. Make your relationship a priority, and schedule time for a date. Setting aside time for one another without the kids is probably the most important thing you can do for your relationship in general, as well as your sex life.
9. Stay In & Catch a Movie. Not just any movie – for tonight’s entertainment try the X-Rated variety. As long as you find something that you will both find sexy, this can be a great way to heat things up.
10. Let’s Talk. It’s amazing what adding a little dirty talk can do in the bedroom, but you have to do what feels comfortable for the both of you. Don’t feel like you have to talk constantly. Sometimes just telling your partner what to do, and that you like something is enough.
From The Daddy Issue